The term coming out is often directly related to people who are lesbian, gay or bisexual proclaiming to themselves and others the gender they are attracted to. It was a term that scared the day lights out of me for years, and only in more recent years am I beginning to understand why I felt such resistance and reaction to the term and all it reveals for those choosing to ‘come out’.
For some coming to terms with their sexuality is easy, and for others it is very difficult or something they deny or hide entirely into their adult life. Peoples confusions, fears, reactions, prejudices, lack of acceptance, political stances, religious beliefs, fear of rejection and the unknown can all contribute to why this may be a challenging process, causing great tension in those who are seeking to ‘come out.’ Yet equally, for some this process just becomes the next step in ones necessary self-expression. Supportive friends and family, a loving, open accepting upbringing, or simply just not being affected by the outside world and it’s many influences, nor thinking it is an issue to begin with, may just be enough to state ones status and get on with life.
When considering these factors I can’t help but still simply ask:
Why has this term ‘coming out’ become the focus of a small percentage of individuals around the world?
I understand why, based on a long history where by to be anything but straight is often looked at with distinction, stemming from re-interpreted religious beliefs, long standing political policies and oppression. And despite their being a growing acceptance of homosexuality in particular states and countries around the world the reality is, being gay is still illegal in many. In fact, as it stands:
- Today in 2016, there are currently 78 countries that hold anti homosexuality laws.
- Coming out will actually land you the death sentence in at least 5 of those and possible imprisonment in the others, not to mention the abuse and ill treatment that we continue to see today.
These numbers represent a very large number of people that together are further adding to the divisions in our world. It’s like the collective energy of ‘anti gay,’ fills a giant pool that leaks separation and division into our backyards and into our homes. Then allowing others to be affected with the emotional struggles, limitations, political policies and religious doctrines that cap peoples free will. All of the outer influences that can affect ones coming out process no matter where they are located in the world.
When did we loose our sense of commonality and start believing somehow we are different to one another, whereby we can say you can be together but you can’t, you can marry but you can’t, you can be and express ALL of who you truly are but you can’t?
I can say from many years of working with children, no child is born homophobic. They are not born racist for that matter either. They don’t actually care if you are male, female or transgendered… To children it is about love. And often they will let us know if we are not being it.
When we stop to consider what unifies people no matter their sexual preference, gender, race, nationality, religious beliefs, political views, sport team followed, hobbies pursued, personality traits. All of the many things that group us in this world, if we just take a moment to drop all of that and stand as we are, as a being with a soul and a heart. We may sense that there is a great amount we have in common with one another, just by the beautiful fact alone, we all live within a body that seeks to live in harmony at every moment.
Our hearts do not pick and choose when to beat, determined by those who are gay and those who are straight. Our heart beats unconditionally, and not only this, our hearts emit the strongest electromagnetic field of any organ bonding us to others and the universe, un-selective of who or what we identify as and with.
When we appreciate the science of our heart, we feel the fact that we are equally interconnected at every breath as we literally embody a heart that communicates with the hearts of all others unaffected by any belief system or ideals we may live. And contrary to the unifying love of our hearts, we can still manage to think and live in disconnection to this fact, whilst believing we are separate to one another.
With this awareness, is it possible there are qualities of our movements be them rough, abrupt, forceful. Or in contrast tender, graceful, effortless that we can all equally relate to, feel and know. No matter if we live in a cave, on top of a mountain, in the suburbs, the hills, the beach or the dessert. Who ever we are and where ever we are, we all know a tender loving touch and much as we know a rough unloving one.
Is it possible, it is in our ability to choose loving movements that will bond us and naturally break down the ideals and beliefs that have us think it is a gay thing and not a love thing?
It is interesting to question how we can even choose to live in a way that is not supportive or inline with the natural harmony of our body and impulse of our inner heart, when the choice to stay present and aware of this is always so very alive within us in each and every moment.
How come we more often honour the very natural, innate, loving, precious qualities with young children, where we bring such deep care, tenderness, sensitivity, awareness, dedication, responsibility… yet we seem to abandon them as we grow taller. It is worth questioning why?
Where does this then leave us, when society as a whole gears us from a young age to focus on the exterior of who we are, over the inner qualities of our movements and expressions of who we truly are, where it is seemingly easy to abandon what is simply our natural loving lived way?
When one breaks out of the confines that they find themselves in around claiming their sexuality, this is to be celebrated, as anyone stepping out of any experienced contraction, and even oppression into a greater level of self-expression is amazing. Yet at the end of the day do we ask ourselves how gay was your day? How straight was my date?
How many of us ask:
- Does being straight or gay guarantee I will be loving with myself or other people? Or is it my choice to be love through all that I choose, (including what I eat, when I go to sleep, my exercise rhythm, how I express with people, the emotions and hurts I deal with, how much I accept and appreciate myself and life…) that will determine my quality of connection and the depths of love I feel for myself and others equally?
- Does being bisexual guarantee me great relationships with both men and women or is it my choice to have a loving relationship with myself that will be a marker of the depths of intimacy I can go to with either gender?
These examples show the ridiculousness of how we can even see each other as different, whatever our skin colour, sexual preference, religion, geographical location, economic status… The list goes on. Here we can feel and see so simply we ALL EQUALLY hold the power to make loving or non loving choices moment to moment.
It is through our choices that unify or divide us, empower or dis empower us individually and collectively. In saying this: Are our choices adding to the great divides in society or contributing to the much needed re-bonding between humanity world wide?
When we return to the term ‘coming out’ does this change our relationship with what it represents in truth, equal to all people in our world when we hold the awareness that being true to ourselves in the physical expression of love determined by our momentary choices every day, takes us way deeper than any gender identification, label slapped on us or sexual orientation alone? It’s like we accept these titles as a security to offer us an identity, yet we are so much more.
Is it possible if have stepped away from knowing how truly amazing we are (Like we knew and lived so freely as little kids) we are happy to settle for labels that box and limit us. Weather it be a footy player, an academic, an artist or a lesbian… These many labels are such a shallow way of identifying the fullness and epic awesomeness of who we truly are and what we all bring in our many unique expressions.
Through the way we choose to live with ourselves and each other, simply through the loving quality of our expression unrestrained by any perceived boundaries or separation between groups, are we not the living keys who each hold the responsibility to breaking down all that keeps us separate and all that holds us back in life?
We can see this takes us way beyond tolerance of people, far deeper than peace of any nation, and uncompromising of the fact that we can all choose tender love that unites us all. Through the power of what is true and loving equally inside us all, we have all that it takes to all truly ‘come out’ in more ways than one. No labels needed.
Everyday we are presented the opportunity to express what we feel in full, to speak our truth, to call out the evils in the world, to not give up on ourselves, others or life, to move with tenderness and grace, to live with deep care, love, joy, appreciation, responsibility. Where we have the choice to fully commit to all areas of our lives and all we are here to learn from our own bodies, one another, nature and the universe as a whole.
With this as our possible way forward, we are ALL naturally invited to a true coming out party each and everyday. One where together, we live the loving communication of our own inner hearts in full with one another. The harmony we were born being.
Looks like the coming out party just got a whole lot bigger!!!